[if i were better, smarter, stronger, prettier... maybe he would finally love me, and find a way of showing that love to me. perhaps he would actually care about what was going on with me, and the whole family. Perhaps he would stop by more often to check how we were doing. Perhaps he would not miss my birthday when i was so expecting him. Perhaps i would finally become good enough and worthy of his attention. Perhaps he would finally notice how much i really needed his support and how much i loved him. If only i was good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough...]